Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Don't be Mad, Miss Mommy

I just put Owen back to bed for his nap. He was doing his usual bull-in-a-china-shop routine in the bathroom, a long, elaborate, stalling ritual. He'll expel the poo-poo saved precisely for this purpose, after removing every stitch of clothing. He'll put copious amounts of hand sanitizer all over his upper torso, and then decide to do a jig in the bathtub.

I'll go upstairs, my face an angry line, and every day, he'll say the same thing: "Hi Mommy. Please don't be mad." He says this because it makes me feel like Mommy Dearest, all crazed eyes, cold cream and a wire hanger beating stick. Yes, he's that good. He has learned how to reduce his mother to a guilty heap before entering preschool.

Today, deciding to do the extended stall, Owen declared that he must wear pajamas to take his nap. He wanted to wear doggy pajamas with feet, to be precise. And only those. All other pajamas might as well have been covered with feces, in his mind. I wasn't going to have this fight, so we put them on.

Owen's body was a question mark, for the fabric was so snug that he couldn't stand straight. The sleeves ended around his elbows. A quick glance at the tag confirmed my suspicions, "Honey, you're wearing Joel's pajamas."

Owen eyed me suspiciously, and said, "Well, I like them. Don't take them off, Mommy."

"But honey, you can't stand up." I could easily see him splitting the seam, like those world-class swimmers in their ultra-tight racing suits.

"I like them," he repeated. "No, Mommy, no." He shook his finger at me as he backed away slowly, towards his bed. As if I would tackle him or something.

"Okay, then. Go to sleep. Now."

"Don't be mad, Miss Mommy. Goodnight!" He calls me "Miss Mommy" because I told him he was not allowed to call me Miss Nancy, like his friends. This is our compromise. Or, perhaps he calls me by a formal title because he lives in such fear of my wrath.

Based on the way I'm twisted around his finger, I'm guessing not.

Side note: My paranoid blog-tracking software says that NOBODY is visiting this blog site. If you have been visiting/reading the blog, please leave a brief comment or email so I can see if it's a software problem or a bad writing problem. Thanks!


Coby Goesling said...

Definitely not a bad writing problem! I have a friend whose little boy would answer her with a "Yes Sir, Mommy," whenever she asked him to do something. I like the Miss Mommy - very sweet.

Can I just say that that picture of Joel never fails to bring a smile to my face!

Alice said...

When I started to read your entry...and I do read it EVERY DAY....I thought maybe Owen was turning into a true Southerner. When I gave a seminar in Texas last summer, I was introduced as "Miss Alice".

Minivan Lover said...

So, how does it end? Did he stay in the jammies? Were the jams nothing but a pile of threads by the end of the nap? Does he actually sleep? A friend told me her 2 and 4 year old boys no longer take naps. This terrifies me.

dek said...

I read the blog using an RSS reader - does that confuse your paranoia software? Certainly, it hid the latest blog name change (and new Smilin' Joel header) until I went to post this comment.

Tracy said...

Hi Nancy, Your Mom told me about your blog when she was visiting here in Arizona. I read regularly. Your experiences bring back memories of my years as a stay at home mom of little ones. You are a great writer and I always enjoy my "visits" with you and your sweet little guys. Hi to your Mom and Dad from Dale and me.

Anonymous said...

Hi Nancy, I read your Blog everyday. I love it! I even make Steve come over and read it too. At this point I don't "make" him read, I just say..."you have to read what Nancy wrote today!" and he comes right over to read.

Tonight, Steve said he would read your book if you wrote one!!


Nancy Campbell said...

Hooray! I've since decided to delete the paranoid software, because, really, do I need more paranoia in my life?

Coby--Owen calls me Sir Daddy sometimes, too, because I react so over-the-top when he does so.

Alice---I really like the "Miss First Name" thing out here...I'll take this Southern tradition with me if and when we move elsewhere

Nikki--Owen didn't nap today. It is horrifying. I insist on quiet time, no matter what. He can go into his room and play, read, etc. as long as he and I get our alone time. It's crucial. And the jammies survived.

David---Smilin' Joel would be a good band name.

Tracy--Hi there! Good to hear from you. So glad you catch up. Do you have the url of Christa and her husband's blog? My mom mentioned it awhile back...

Renee--I'm so glad you've sucked Steve into my web...and I'm so glad you like it!

I'm validated now. Thanks!

Judy Mohrman said...

Hi Nancy,
I read it every day. It is my connection to you.
Love, Mom

j said...


Seriously. I feel more human reading and empathizing and breathe large sighs of relief that if I am crazy, I am not the only one!

Jenny Wempen Erickson