Q and A

Owen has entered the "Why?" stage of his toddlerhood, which makes each day a bit more....thought-provoking.

"Mommy, why are you putting lipstick on?'

Why indeed? I heard on a biological/unconscious level, women paint their lips because it simulates the sex organs. It' s similar to the baboons with the red bottoms. It's our way of signaling, "I'm in heat." (Thank you, PBS, for that ewwwwwww tidbit).

I decided not to share this with Owen. Why do I wear lipstick? I wear lipstick because its an easy thing to do that makes me feel more polished, more va-va-voom, even if I'm wearing yoga pants and a shirt that proclaims that I gave blood. I wear lipstick because I buy the type that stays on all day, so it's a low maintenance version of happy. And finally, I wear lipstick because, as the only woman in this house, I need to maintain a feminine presence or else Joel will remain prettier than me.

I also decided not to share this with Owen. I answered, instead, "Because I want to."

"Mommy, why do you have a big bag of poop?"

Owen was referring to the bag of compost manure that I was lugging to the backyard. He knew that it was poop because the nursery worker helpfully told him, "I'm putting stinky poop in your car." Thanks so much, Wentworths employee.

I answered, fearing the possible implications of the sentence, "Because poop helps the plants grow."

"Why does poop make the plants grow?"

I wish I knew such things. It would be a fantastic learning experience, which is the whole reason that I was planting a garden in the first place. I don't have a clue, though. Something about chemicals, probably, perhaps a bit of voodoo. It's just magic as far as I'm concerned.

Thankfully, I know science people. I told Owen, "We'll have to call Miss Melissa (a former AP biology teacher) to find that out."

"Will my poop make the plants grow?"

With no hesitation, I said, "No. Owen poop is ouchy for plants." Even if if Owen shit pure organic compost, it belongs in one place, and one place only: the toilet.

I'm sure the questions will continue. My challenge will be to think about what he's asking, and answer his questions thoughtfully. This may be easier said and done, because today, for I'm sure the first of many times, I answered one of his questions with this:

"Because I said so."

Somewhere, I hear my mother corking a bottle of champagne. The circle is complete.