Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Hobo, Serial-Killer Drag Queen Life

Because I am totally lazy inspired by my friend Erin, I am going to dash out a quick list of reasons I MUST leave the house today.

1. On Monday, I was at the gym, pounding away on the treadmill. One of the trainers, who happens to be my neighbor, came up to me as I was running, and asked me if I wanted to watch his child three days a week.

This is the most he has ever spoken to me. Ever. He's my neighbor, yes, but his family has always been  standoffish.

Perhaps because I couldn't stop blinking in shock, he added, "I mean, you're a stay-at-home, mom, right?"

Ah. You see, that explains it. Stay-at-home-mom=perfect daycare.

Clearly, I've kept the windows closed so he couldn't hear the screaming.

I'm going to say no, because I can barely be responsible for my own spawn.

I also need to stay out of the house, before another neighbor asks me if I would be interested in trimming his hedges or cleaning out his septic tank. I mean, I'm home, after all.

2. I need to go the library and return our borrowed copy of The Polar Express. It is far more terrifying than any Halloween flick.

It has led to my son's fascination with all things hobo---he wants to know about hobo fires, hobo clothes, hobo sticks.

If I want him to meet a hobo, I can always introduce him to Starbucks Bill, our local homeless gentlemen. My friend recently bought him a crossiant, a latte, and a newspaper. He thanked her and asked her where she was going.

"Work," she replied.

"Work?" he scoffed. "I haven't worked for twenty years."

He then asked her to get her real sugar instead of artificial sweetener.

There just may be something to the hobo life.

3. I need to finish off the Halloween costumes. We're going with a Curious George theme. Joel will be George. Obvious choice.

Owen is going to be the doorman.
Paul is going to be the Man in the Yellow Hat, and I am going to be...Professor Wiseman.
Somebody FedEx me a lab coat, stat! (See--I'm already in character).

4. I must leave the house because in a fit of generosity, I let Owen paint my toes and fingernails. I looked like a serial killer drag queen when he was done. Naturally, I'm out of polish remover.

5. Finally, I must leave the house because well, I'm just too awesome to keep within four walls.


Kim said...

Pretty polish and how annoying of the neighbour. I've been sitting here on the computer thinking about taking the kids out for some fresh air for at least an hour now.

Michelle Pixie said...

Ahhh and yet my hermit self would see all of those reasons as reasons to stay nestled in my little nest with my blinds tightly drawn. ;-)

How I do love your nails! You are such a good momma, I don't think I am nearly that brave.

Coby said...

Those nails are TOTALLY serial killer drag queen. You should let him do your hair and lipstick, too.

Super annoying of your neighbor. Come on! I have a family member who knows I homeschool, and asked me if I would be willing to teach her kid. Uhm, NO! I retired from trying to get other people's kids to learn and be motivated.

mama-face said...

oh Nancy I totally get you. Except for the willingness to put any effort into Halloween costumes.

Stupid Gym Guy. Years ago, when I had little ones, a woman called me with a long story about how she was going to lunch with friends, and I thought it was so nice of her to ask me to go with her. Instead she asked to babysit her children. gah. I said no. People seem to think that if you're a stay at home mom you must have nothing better to do than daycare. (Nothing against women who do have a legitimate daycare business. Hardest job in the world).

get out of the house now!

Anonymous said...

I whole-heartedly agree with all your reasons especially the last one!

Too awesome! *grin*

Anonymous said...

The Polar express is extremely disturbing, isn't it? I couldn't even watch the whole movie.

I love your costume theme. Can't wait to see the pictures.

Anonymous said...

You guys are seriously the perfect family for the George cast. I wish I had lab coat to send you. It's Thursday and I have no idea what we're going to be.... way to be ahead of the game!

only a movie said...

I've had people ask me to babysit in the summer (because I'm not working), or on a weekend (because I'm not married).
Hmmm... nope.

Love your Halloween costume ideas. Posting photos, right? You know, because you'll have so much extra time on your hands to blog about it. :-)

MiMi said...

You gotta post pictures!!
Um. The SAHM = babysitter drives me NUTS.

Mrs4444 said...

omg, Nancy! I've missed you. This post made me laugh out loud, so of course I'll be linking IT up, too, tomorrow....

Matty said...

I've only ever seen bits and pieces of Polar Express, so I guess I should watch the entire movie.

I can just imagine all of you in your costumes. What a photo op.

The Blogging Goddess said...

The Polar Express scared my kids and we had to turn it off. And, I think Starbuck's Bill lives around here too.

Minivan Lover said...

The homeless man portion of this makes me want to pour hot starbucks coffee in this mans lap. Your friend is very nice. I am not that nice. Perhaps I should not leave the house any time soon...

shortmama said...

A family themed it!

Elaine A. said...

My nails kinda look like that when I paint them... he he.

So glad my son's fascination with the Polar Express is over. Well, until Christmas time at least...

lisleman said...

Growing up I was a hobo for halloween (very cheap costume)

Here's an idea get Starbucks Bill to do your nails next time - he could "work" for his coffee.

stopped in via Mrs. 4444

Erin said...

I just adore you. SO sweet that you linked to me and I love all your reasons. THe hobo? Priceless. I keep Lance PB cracker packs in my car for the hobos/homeless. I don't give out $$ anymore. So the girls are also very curious about the homeless life and it's interesting the things they say/ask.

ANd you are mighty brave to let a kid paint your nails, esp. a little boy!

oh, and the costumes!?!?!? OMG. LOVE. but wanna see a pic of all of you. i coulda Fed Ex'd you a lab coat, dork!

Marla said...

Ok, this list is AWESOME! As for the stay-at-home mom thing, well yeah. Everyone knows we stay-at-home moms have nothing but time on our hands. Except for when we are puffing on our ciggies while we watch our stories in our housecoats.