I was talking to my mother not long ago about her job as a preschool teacher. She said, "It was another great year, because there was almost no Little Girl Shit."
I nodded my head. I know Little Girl Shit. We all do. Forming teams. Whispering. Cliques.
As a former middle school teacher, girls paraded or slumped into my room. Smug or teary. Belonging or abandoned. Queen Bees and all that.
I used to think the meanness started around fourth or fifth grade, hitting its peak around eighth grade.
Hardly. Little Girl Shit starts around four. I see it every day.
I recently attended a birthday party for one of Joel's friends. There were a lot of big sisters at this party, and one of them ran up to me. She was in tears, and said, "Mikaela told me that Justin Beiber thinks I'm ugly!" She shook with the injustice of it all.
I considered getting down on my knees and thanking God that I only have boys.
"Boys have their social issues too," Mom reminded me on that phone call. She had one of each.
"I know," I said. "But I want it to be easier for those girls."
"Sometimes you step in, sometimes you help her work it out. But those experiences are part of you, for better or worse." My mom's wise like that.
Shortly after our conversation, Kelly K, asked me to submit a piece to her amazing new site, I Survived the Mean Girls. Kelly is doing something powerful here. She's asking people to share their stories---of being the mean girl, or one's experiences with mean girls. It's similar to the It Gets Better project for LBGT teens, except that this addresses bullying amongst women.
And yes, it does get better.
I talked about one of my first experiences with Little Girl Shit (although my case actually talks about a Mean Girl that grew up to be a Mean Adult). I wish it was my only story, but alas, I had many to choose from.
Please stop by and read my story. And if you're so inclined, consider submitting a piece of your own. Knowledge is power, and you never know who might be reading your words. You never know who might need them.
19 comments:
I hit little girl shit....having a daughter it is one of my main fears. Molding a positive, kind girl is easy teaching them to survive in a world of mean girls is far the hardest job yet. Off to read your story.
I had a mean girl as one of my best friends. It was one of those "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" deals. An "I would rather be friends than enemies with her" type of person. She wasn't mean to me the way she was other people, but she definitely knew how to manipulate and bring me down.
I have a daughter. She is young and sweet and innocent. I pray she does not have to experience mean girls in her life. Not sure if it is possible but I will keep my hopes up high.
It's unfortunate, but my daughter is all about some Little Girl Shit. I think she starts it. She's five. I'm not looking forward to the future.
What an awesome idea! After I deal with my OPCS (Old Pissing Cat Shit) this morning, I plan to visit her site!
Nancy,
Thank you so much for sharing this story. It shares a completely different side of the "mean girl" phenomenon and hopefully will make adults think carefully about what they say, or don't say.
Feel free to submit other stories of yours. I don't have a limit.
Thank you so much for the write up here - the site will only succeed if I get the word out.
And yes, your mother is awesome.
I'm lucky I had one of those too.
I know all about LGS. I see it in adult women too. It is the most annoying thing ever.
And you know what else? I heard that Justin Bieber thought I was ugly too!! *gasp*
You know I'm vigilant with my own daughter. Girls are mean. I don't know why. Boys can have their own
brand of assholery too.
Sigh.
Can't we all just get along?
Hi Nancy:
I have found you via Julie via my blog. I am loving your blog. ANd I am off to read your piece at Kelly K. SHe is onto something with that Mean Girl Thang, dont'cha think? I mean, who hasn't come across a mean girl. Or been one? So painful.
Boys bully one way - but girls do it differently. More under the radar. Thank you for visiting me at Lessons From Teachers and Twits." I'll be following you! ;-)
Oh, Nancy -
Good for you for posting a story for Kelly.
I can't wait to read it.
(and your mom sounds brilliant. naturally. just look at her daughter.)
Yeah, I've seen some of the mean girl stuff in kindergarten with Isabella's classmates. I haven't witnessed Isabella being the mean girl ...and the meanness wasn't directed toward her....but still. I've seen it and it breaks my heart.
Oh Nancy....I wanted to reach through my computer screen and wipe those words from her mouth.
Then I wanted to ram through the computer to HUG your mother for being what mothers do when silently behind the closed doors they rally and protect their kids!! May our mothers always wear that secret supermom outfit underneath all their clothes and may we ready to tear it off and defend as well as they did!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
There's always been mean girls, but it seems so much worse these days. I'm glad people are talking about it and forming groups to take steps toward doing something about it. I think awareness goes a long way, but commitment to taking a stand against such an issue is quite another thing. Important.
Sometimes I wish *I* was a guy - I know they have their issues, but it does seem to just circumvent all that horrible LGS!
What an important topic! I dread any sort of mean shit for my kids. Because we could only afford to send Deaglan to daycare one day a week (to keep our foot in the door so we could get both kids in when I went back to work), he had to deal with being left out. It hurt me deeply to hear him tell me sadly that Jakey or Olivia didn't want to play with him every week. I don't know how I'll be able to take all that comes with childhood.
Interesting.
I was both girls. The one who was picked on through around the third grade...until I realized I had a more wicked tongue than anyone... and I wasn't gonna be afraid to use it.
i survived the mean girls..barely. I have huge scars. my self esteem took a beating. so many years later, i still can't put it all away. i blame a lot of my current issues on those mean girls and hubs doesn't get it, calls it a crutch, says i am not 12 anymore. he is right, but he's also a guy, and it's not the same for them.
the mean girls still haunt me. and i am haunted by the fear that my daughters could be mean girls someday....
I hate little girls. I always felt impossibly awkward. Maybe all kids feel like that. I I don't know what kind of parent I would be to a girl, because I would be unhappy if she was vapid and tween-y, and I would've hated myself if she had been an outsider nerd like me.
Well-dressed and beautiful adult women still make me feel nervous and inferior, even if they're perfectly nice, or dumb as a brick. I can write a 20 page assessment of corporate risk management, but I'll never get into a club for free. I shouldn't feel inferior for that, but I do.
Now that I've dumped all my self-esteem issues on you...
I survived mean girls in 6th and 7th grade. The thing that saved me was moving to a different state. I might have something to share, but it's from the perspective of one of my students...
Interesting project, and I love your submission.
xoxo
Overheard in the church bathroom just minutes after the completion of the memorial service for my friend who died in January:
"Friend" of her 8-yr-old daughter - "hey, you want to come over later?"
Deceased friend's daughter - "not today, but tomorrow, ok?"
"Friend" - "That's ok. I was going to tell you to go ask your mom, but you can't. She's dead."
Deceased friend's daughter - "I could ask my mom. I can talk to her whenever I want. I'll see you tomorrow."
Bless her heart, she didn't skip a beat, but left her mother's friends wanting to take that Mean Girl out to the parking lot and teach her a lesson.
Mean Girls Suck.
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