Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Stealing My Religion

Things I plan on stealing from other faith traditions: 

1. LDS (the Mormons): Family Home Evening. I will find a way to make my husband play Scrabble with me, and I'll tell him since we aren't real Mormons, we encourage cocktails and profanity. 

2. Catholicism: Composting. Owen's preschool composts. Consequently, he twists his hands, sighs deeply, and questions, "Why don't you love the Earth?" every time I throw a strawberry husk into the trash.

3. Judaism: Challah. Obviously. This is a no-brainer. 

4. Evangelical Christianity: Call and Response. I dream of the day that my children acknowledge my statements. Perhaps they will answer me the first (as opposed to the fifth) time if I sing like James Brown.

5. Jedi: Jedi Mind Tricks. I would use this puppy all day long. Me: "You will not charge me for this latte." Barista: "I will not charge you for this latte." Me: "You will be generous with the chocolate sprinkles." Barista: "I will be generous with the chocolate sprinkles."

6. Hinduism: Yoga. I kinda do this already.

7. Islam: The Hijab, or head scarf. I kinda do this already too, except that I call it a baseball cap. I wear it not out of devotion, but because I often neglect washing my hair.

8. Atheism: Reason. Whether it be purchasing electric blue nail polish or teaching my children all of the lyrics to Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA," I do dumb things that I regret on an hourly basis.

I know that there are more than eight major religions out there, but I'm stopping here before I start a holy war. After all, as a Lutheran, one of my traits is overthinking things and making blanket apologies.

So, what would you borrow from another faith tradition?  Or what do you like best about your own?


K said...

I love it!

I've already told my husband about family home evening (we're Catholic). I also kinda want to steal the concept of Sunday being a day of rest - I think slowing down is important.

Ash said...

I like to rub my belly for good luck. That's Buddhism, right?

And you totally gotta give my Episcopalianism a try - all the religion, half the guilt. It's how I rationalize driving an SUV. However, I'm still compelled to go pull out my strawberry remnants from the trash can. And a child shall lead them...

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Ha ha! My goal is to let all the other religions raise my child. My 4 yr old had a Mormon nanny, now goes to a Jewish preschool, and has a weekly playdate with the 7th Day Adventist if only we could afford Catholic school in his future...

Michele R said...

Just get a "Rubbermaid" bin, poke lots of holes in top lid and bottom of it, add leaves to bottom of it and away you go. Put it in your backyard. Put your eggshells, coffee grinds, dryer lint, etc. in a big bowl every day and take it outside and stir it in. All set.

tulpen said...

Love everything about this post. Wish I'd thought of it!!

Since I'm quite indecisive and fear committment, I'm gonna go hang out with the Agnostics.

Kim said...

First I want to tell you that everytime I read something you wrote, I wish I wrote it. Good writers bring that out in me.

I definitely would adapt the hijab for the same reason and evangelical christianity too - you get a response just after five times??? Your powers inspire me!

Caution said...

This is wonderful!!! From the Amish I would take a new barn - built by all my friends. That I would have to cook for them might be a drawback though.

Rebecca said... of the religions that I learned about when in World Religion class in college. And here I thought it was just a fun word used in a song

I don't practice santeria, I aint' got no crystal ball........If I had a million dollars.....

Eternal Lizdom said...

Thanks for the laugh this morning!! Love this post!

Jenny said...

I can't really comment here because I'm still trying to comprehend the fact that you THREW A STRAWBERRY HUSK INTO THE TRASH.


noisycolorfullively said...

Challah. Obvs.

Leo and I are progressive-ish (bible belt and all) evangelicals.

But I grew up sometimes Southern Baptist (sometimes Methodist, one time Mormon). I make good banana pudding. And Leo spent the better part of his childhood attending a Messianic Jewish synagoge. He brought his mother's challah recipe to the marriage.

It's one of the many reasons I married him.

Jen said...

I'm pretty much doing that, and it'll be even cooler once we're in Chicago and the boys are exposed to more world religions. For me? Considering the day of electronic rest. That's about all I can handle now. ;)

tsonodablog said...

Buddhism.........lovin' the rubbing of the belly. And they have this really cool social (I think it's supposed to be social) activity called the Bon Dance. It's a party in a circle. Not too shabby.

Now for my serious choice:
Methodist (well most of them) are accepting of homosexuals in their churches. This means a lot to me.

Melani said...

Jee Nancy, this is a wonderful topic, what do you like best about your religion..I have never really thought about it. I have been a Lutheran since I was baptized...umm I guess I like going to church and singing songs older then dirt, learning about Jesus and how he died on the cross for us and having faith of life ever after. I know...kinda serious this morning, guess I need another cup of joe! Thanks for the post! You are a great writer! and I love reading your stuff, when I can!

Victoria KP said...

This is awesome--I'd have to add Latkes to #3. Yum!

Also, the various religions that teach about a sabbath--cause I could really go for a day of rest once a week!

formerlyonlyamovie said...

I grew up in a Methodist church, but no longer feel Christian in that sense... right now, I'm borrowing from Christianity, because I'm scarfing down dark chocolate Cadbury mini-eggs. Divine.
Love this post. xo

michelle said...

OMG Nancy, I'm so with you every step of the way.

Had challah for dinner. See the attraction in Big Love, and rationalize everything. Do yoga twice a week and you KNOW about the tattoo on my back!

Love this post!


michelle said...

AND I compulsively compost.

Mucho love

Veronica said...

I wish I could join The Force.. Those Jedi mind tricks would come in handy on a lot of occasions, think of all the housework I could get my children to do!

Alas, my midi-chlorians concentration barely scratches the surface.

Hm.. I think I've said to much.

Julie said...

I'm totally stealing your Jedi mind trick.


(so are chocolate sprinkles.)

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Just found you, and I love this post!
Jedi mind tricks??? Stinkin' brilliant!

And what about the Native American concept of Mother Earth? I could get into painting with the colors of the wind.

Just sayin'.


Shell said...

There's always something to learn from another religion. Your take on this makes me laugh!

Bekah said...

Part open-mindedness, part sarcasm. Love. I'm reading "Between a Church and a Hard Place" by Andrew Park. The premise being- if you're a non-churchgoer, maybe even non-believer, how do you teach your children about faith? He reasons, if you don't do it, certainly someone else will, and you may not like the outcome. Finding myself right there- as someone with great spirituality but a distaste for organized religion, and a mother of two kids with lots of questions. Interesting read.