Yes, it finally came to pass. Joel had his first trip to the ER on Saturday. I'm amazed we lasted as long as we did.
The culprit in all this was a mission-style coffee table. Joel was doing his typical kamikaze-style moves on the couch. He was seated, rolled backwards, and hit the base on his head against the sharp edge.
There was blood. There was that holding-breath-for-a-long-time-then-WAIL thing that babies do. I cleaned it up, and told Paul that it would probably require stitches. I filled up my coffee cup, grabbed a few toy cars, and drove to the hospital.
We registered, and since this was the same hospital where both boys were born, Joel was already on file. The lady asked me to review his information, which I had given to them between gut-splitting contractions several years back.
They had my religious affiliation as Mormon, which is apparently the closest translation to "Get that fucking computer away from me or I will rip out your septum."
Labor was not my finest hour.
We were quickly sent back, since Joel's head looked like this (SKIP IF BLOOD FREAKS YOU OUT)
It turns out that the Nurse Practitioner that worked with us was my neighbor. This is what happens when you live in a small town. She confirmed that he would need a 'closing, but decided that staples would be quicker. And, incidentally, TOTALLY AWESOME.
Joel amused himself.
Then, it came time to put on the topical anethetic. A reasonable person would allow his mother to hold the gauze against his wound.
Joel is not a reasonable person.
Instead, he looked like a victim of Revolutionary War combat.
Throughout all of this, Joel was quite content. That is, until, he remembered the hospital bracelet around his ankle.
He hated that thing. "No, no, no, no, no!!!" he screamed, yanking at it with great fury.
It was as if that simple strap of paper had stolen his girlfriend and set his vintage Corvette on fire.
Do you remember Uma Thurman in Kill Bill? That was my kid.
Yet, when we wrapped him in a sheet, held him down, and our neighbor stapled his head shut? That wasn't a big deal. He didn't even cry.
He's fine now. We will walk next door in about seven days so my neighbor can take the staples out.
So, kids, what did we learn from all this?
1) My kid has sensory preferences and probably won't be rocking the jewelry any time soon.
2) Coffee tables don't belong in our home. Or anything nice, for that matter.
3) Joel is one tough kiddo.
4) His staples are not magnetic. Yes, I tried.
(I'm done with you crazy big people).