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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Battle of the Beard

Over the holiday break, my dear husband grew himself a beard.

Lord help me.

As a former military man, Paul has always flirted with the idea of facial hair. He rarely packs a razor when we vacation and frequently attends weekend social functions with some scruff. On one memorable Halloween, he choose to dress as a pirate, simply for an excuse to grow a beard.

So yes, alas, we have been down this road many, many times.

Unlike my brother, who grows patchwork pockets of hair, all swimming in their own, non-connected universes, Paul actually grows a very nice beard. He keeps it neat. And it has that distinguished gray in it that men can get away with. You know, since the universe is completely unfair.

When it became evident that Paul was going to keep the thing, or was at least considering the idea, I devised my plan of attack.

Step the First: "It's itchy!"  Counterattack: "It'll grow in softer." 


Step the Second: "You know there's gray hair in there."  Counterattack: "You mean like Sean Connery?" 


Step the Third aka The Big Gun: "You know, it's like French kissing my dad." Counterattack: "Are you saying you French kiss your dad?"

Around the fourth day, something shifted in me. It's the same instinct that leads me to paint my fingernails bright blue and consider dying my hair Sharon Osborne pink---I'm going through the adolescence that I skipped during my actual adolescence. Back then, I was too busy reading Atlas Shrugged and being invisible.

So, what shifted? I suppose the idea that Paul could look kinda scruffy, and dare I say it...cool and sexy. I thought that he would grow into something like this...


Or the always classic....


This is for Ms. Moon...
And for all the Teeny-Boppers...


And for anybody with a pulse...


Rarely to my fantasies match my reality. But on the other hand, my reality is awfully nice and rarely engages in high colonics or calls people "Bro." So, unless he morphs into this...




I'll keep him, and keep my mouth shut. 

Anybody fought the battle of the beard out there?

23 comments:

singedwingangel said...

yeah my hubby does that sometimes. But he usually can't stand it too long cause his hair is just so rough.

Michele R said...

Two instances in 23 years of marriage--and I am the one who wants to see it on him. First, we met in the 80's and he had a major mustache. Years later he wanted to shave it and I always said no! I went on a girl vacation--came home and it was gone forever.
Then 5 years ago we went on a vacay and for me he grew a "devil's beard" and he shaved it the last day.
Think I'll go look at your photos again.

Ms. Moon said...

Heh-heh! Great! And thanks for the picture of dear John.
My husband has always had a beard. Ever since the day I met him.
He shaved it once and my response was, "How quick can you grow it back?"
I love his beard.
What can I say?

Formerly known as Frau said...

My hubby grew the beard over a year ago or more, I'm still getting use to it. I like the look its the feel when he kisses me. I think it's sexy with the gray so unfair!

Jenny said...

This made me laugh. Husband one always had one...husband two...never.

Muliebrity said...

Matt grew a goat for a while, but thankfully had to shave it every couple of months when he had to drill. Now that he is in uniform full time, there is no more facial hair - and I couldn't be happier! I don't mind the scruff on weekends or holidays though.

June said...

Something about the Sean Connery look...
I have always found myself attracted to men with beards or mustache AND I love a hairy chest (not back).
Which is why Ward has grown out the beard and keeps it trimmed up so nicely to show off all his gray!

clearness said...

Every now and then my husband wants to shave his head bald. I tell him at the rate he's loosing hair, he'll be bald on his own real soon and that he should love the hair he has now because it won't be around forever (For the record, he still has a nice thick head of hair)

Erin said...

The Father Load often flirts with a beard as well and I HATE IT. I don't think it's becoming on him at all. He knows this. I love his soft baby face. Fortunately he only does it every so often....

Love all the photos/porn you included here.

;-)

p.s. My new OPI favorite nail colors? Ski Teal You Drop & Midnight in Moscow (which I am sporting now). I, too, have wanted to put a random few streaks in my hair, but am scared. I'm not talkin' highlights, neither....

Eternal Lizdom said...

My hubby has had facial hair for most of the time I've known him- he only shaves when he had an onstage community theatre role that requested it. Personally, I'm a fan of the whiskers.

Snuggle Wasteland said...

The TO used to have a goatee. He sported it for a couple of years till my BFF got drunk and told him he looked like Satan. Hasn't had facial hair since.

blueviolet said...

My guy has the Tom Selleck thing going on and when I met him, he ripped my skin off from that stuff. I was so raw that my skin peeled away and was bright red.

I pretty much just told you that we made out a lot, didn't I?

Victoria KP said...

Huh? I'm sorry? Did you say something? I was just a LITTLE distracted by the pictures of Hugh Jackson and Viggo Mortensen :-).

noisycolorfullively said...

As I've said before. I love me a scruffy man. And my man is scruffy. I would absolutely lose my marbles if he tried to shave his face.

Don't fight it, you never know, it might grow on you (ba-dum-ching!)

Unknown Mami said...

You are so right. I can not get away with gray in my beard and I know it's because I'm a woman.

Happy New Year!

Coby said...

Laughing hysterically!!! And my pulse is racing. At Hugh Jackman, not Joaquin Phoenix.

Shayne can't grow a beard. After a week of not shaving, his chin just looks dirty, so he doesn't even bother. Praise the Lord! I don't like hairy men. Something about my years as a lifeguard at a public pool and having to clean the hairtrap...

Betty Manousos @ CUT AND DRY said...

Hello, dropping by from Snuggle Wasteland site.
You have a great blog!
I'm glad I found you. :)

Have a great day!

Betty

tsonodablog said...

And for anybody with a pulse.. <----Yes, I even agree with that one!
LOL
I had issues with 2nd husband many years ago. We were in the Air Force and he and his buddies just HAD to grow mustaches. YUCK. He was (is still I guess) Japanese-American, and the mustache was a bit like a brillo pad. Yea, not his best look.
Terri

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

My husband shaves his head down to shiny baldness. Since he can't figure out where the beard would start, I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Also, he's quite bothered (at age 30) by the gray in there. Thank goodness for small favors.

Maybe try calling it his "flavor savor." That makes me want to dry heave. On second thought, don't. That will only make it grosser for you!

Bethany said...

you always make me laugh.

Cat said...

Yeah... I've given up. It's not so much that I mind the beard as that I'm really curious about what he'd look like without it. All I ask is that he be beardless for a day, then he can have his scruff and his beard back. Oh well.

formerlyonlyamovie said...

Other Half knows that getting rid of the facial hair could be a deal breaker.

Huge fan of scruffiness.

Fun post. ;-)

Jen said...

I have seen one 1! picture of my husband with a beard. He was in college, long before we met. And he was a Norse God.
Bastard won't grow another one. This despite the fact that I find men with beards insanely hot and he knows this. Le sigh...
Jen from Laughing at Chaos