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Thursday, February 17, 2011

Fiction: A Step Forward

For this week's fiction challenge, the Red Dress Club ladies said:

Write a piece - 600 word limit - about finding a forgotten item of clothing in the back of a drawer or closet. Let us know how the item was found, what it is, and why it's so meaningful to you or your character. 


I welcome constructive criticism. 




A Step Forward
 
"You know what you need?" She paused to take another sip of beer. "You need something shexy for your honeymoon."

I snorted. "You just said SHEXY! Cheers to SHEXY!"  We both tipped our glasses. The amber liquid was cool and effortless.

"SHEXY! That's what you need." She slammed down her glass. "Tell me that you have something hot for your honeymoon. I mean something really, really....erotic."

"Did you just say, 'erotic'? Oh my God, you're so drunk." I watched her laugh, tuck a stray hair behind an ear. For once, her smile was completely natural. "I love you," I said. "You know that? I really, really love you.... Please don't be mad at me tomorrow."

She cocked her head, "Why would I be mad at you? I love you, too." She stretched,  "You're such a dork. I've gotta go pee." She kissed my head, and stumbled away.

I felt the imprint of her lips, burning like cinnamon. I rolled my empty glass around the moist ring on the bar napkin, and waited for the air to return.

When she sat back down, I recognized the glint in her eye. "Hey, call Ethan. Tell him that we're going to the mall and he's driving."

"OK. Why?"

"Because, dork, I'm buying you something SHEXY for your honeymoon. I know you don't have anything yet." She glanced up and down, "You've got a hot little body, and I'm going to take care of you."

Oh, my. "You're the boss."

Soon, were in my fiancee's car. The sunlight and landscape blurred. I watched her profile, memorized each contour. He said something about staying out of trouble, of picking us up in a few hours. When I kissed him goodbye, it was like kissing a dream, right before it fades to dawn.

We walked into the department store, and I flipped through the rows of creamy silks and lace. "You need something totally smokin', so stop looking at the old-lady nightgowns."

I walked away from the peignoirs and teddies. "You know this isn't my thing."

"Yeah. That's the point." She scanned the aisles and racks, surgically. Professionally. She gasped, "Duuuuuuuuude. You're getting this."

She held up a seafoam green bodysuit. It was covered in lace, and the bodice was bursting with feathers. Naturally, it was crotchless. I backed away.  "Hell, no."

She pressed it into my hands. "Shut up. Try it on."

I watched her mouth form the words, and nodded. "Underwear on?"

"Were you raised on a Mormon compound or something?" She laughed, deep and throaty. "What do you think?"

I retreated to the dressing room, holding the ridiculous thing with one hand. Underwear or not? I thought of my mother, "It's not yours until you buy it," and  stripped down to my white cotton panties. As I pulled the bodysuit over my head, my skin bristled at the rough, unfamiliar texture. 

"How's it look?"

"Like Big Bird!"

She sighed. "I'm coming in."

I turned away, covering my feathery breasts with my hands. "Hey," she said, "Let me see."

"You're gonna laugh."

"Do it."

I dropped my hands, and took a tentative step forward. "Don't laugh."

Her eyes glinted with tears, "You're beautiful. I wish you would see that in yourself."

I took another step forward. I held her gaze, wishing I could carry it with me forever.

***
This has a basis in reality. The real story is that I did go drunk-shopping for my honeymoon lingerie. My friends really did make me buy a feathered, insane bodysuit. But, no, alas, there were no lingering gazes in the changing room.

38 comments:

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

This is a fun read! I never did any drunk shopping for lingerie. Sigh. I'm lame that way ;-)

Formerly known as Frau said...

Drunk shopping love it, never did that....great story!

Ash said...

Feathered body suit? They make those type of things? So sad I went sober peignot shopping with my mother.

You, on the other hand, smart. White cotton panties indeed ;)

Your dialog is always so natural and authentic. Kachow!!

Veronica said...

I loved the unspoken body language going on between friends and the dialogue.

That body suit sounds crazy! Did you end up wearing it?

Cristina said...

I agree, your dialogue is so natural. I wondered I she was asking her friend not to be mad, and then, the lingering gazes :)

tsonodablog said...

No lingering gazes for real? Darn, you could have left the disclaimer part out just for me, Chica.

SAXY story!

clearness said...

You should totally put up a part two to this where the two girls get it on in the dressing room. Ummhumm. I wonder how many page hits you'd get on that one?

ModernMom said...

Isn't amazing how others can see the beauty we can not! Love this.

only a movie said...

So sweet.

Ratz said...

Tip taken. :-D

Jokes apart. Nancy this was an interesting piece and it was fun too... imagining the whole setup and all...

Happy friday

From Tracie said...

This is one of your best that I have read. Seriously. Loving it.

There is so much depth to this relationship.

I would kind of like to see a picture of the feathered bodysuit. Sounds fun.....why did no one tell me about drunk-honeymoon-shopping?

Cheryl said...

Sent you an email, my friend!

So Who Is The Crayon Wrangler? said...

AWESOME!!! You used the word "peignoirs" in a sentence :) Bawahahaha!!!

Loved this piece. I am a visual reader so I saw everything just the way you described it. I will forever see you as Big Bird.

Seriously though, wonderful writing and I loved what you showed through this prompt (which was crotchless - Gah...I said I would be serious) This has a wonderful life lesson to it!

Jessica said...

This was so good. You need part two, felt like I was reading a book and really looked forward to turning the page. Flawlessly done and LOVED the use of peignoir.

Erin said...

I've never been lingerie shopping w/ girlfriends, either. Sad.

I really loved this but couldn't comment yesterday b/c computer wasn't cooperating.

Does it sound bad to say I have felt lingering glances before? or maybe I've done the glancing. Shit I have issues.

Regardless, this was lovely.So real. Captivated me.

Nichole said...

Nicely done, Nancy!
I especially loved these two lines:
"The amber liquid was cool and effortless."
and...
"When I kissed him goodbye, it was like kissing a dream, right before it fades to dawn."

Stacey said...

I love it! I can totally picture this crazy get-up! Great description!

Life As I Know It said...

'burning like cinnamon...' love that line.
This felt so real - the dialogue, the exchanges, the scenes.
great stuff.

DaisyGal said...

Hi, here from the RDBC and wow, I'm fanning myself.
That was wonderful, make this into a book or a short story or a movie. It's wonderful and SHEXY...I have felt some of those feelings for my girlfriends in the past, none i would act on, it was that "hot" but a feeling of friendship + ...
it was soooo good.

Pamela Gold said...

Bow chicka bow wow.... Totally fresh and original, right down to Big Bird!

(Florida) Girl said...

I really enjoyed this dialogue. It was believable and funny and now I want to go drunk lingerie shopping.

Even I don't know what a peignoir is?

amygrew said...

How Shexy can Big Bird be... :) Great post!

Ashley said...

This was a fun read. It felt so real. I really enjoyed it.

Shell said...

So much fun!

Elaine A. said...

I am SO using SHEXY in my vocabulary now! Of course it may only work on twitter with you and all of the above girls... he he.

Good, fun read.

Ms.Wasteland said...

This could've only been improved with pictures of your lingerie. *eye wiggle*

CDG said...

SHEXY!

God, I love it. And I loved the gossamer thread of sexual tension.

Awesome.

Mandyland said...

HOT! Loved the tension. I was wondering the whole time what was going to happen.

Renee said...

Wow, I love this!
The sensuality.
The potential.

Jessica Anne said...

Great job creating tension! I was waiting for more, stupid word count. :)

Logan Beth Fisher said...

Kept me reading. Great depiction of two drunk friends! Perhaps drinking Pinot?

Jack said...

A feathered body suit- never seen that before. Could be interesting.

whispatory said...

Oh lord, I was getting so nervous for these two. I couldn't tell if I wanted them to take the plunge, if she should be getting married. Drunk shopping, so dangerous, I did it once, with my boyfriends sister in Target, you can imagine how that went.

Erin said...

LMAO BIG BIRD???? This definitely took me totally away from the stresses of this week and cracked me right up, because I did something similar....but I was sober...SSSHHHHH Don't tell!

Kim said...

Loved reading this Nancy! I'm not a big fan of lingerie but I am a big fan of cold,cold beer. And I am a big fan of your writing!

Amber @ The Mom Road said...

I loved the drunk shopping, I've never done it. And I don't think I have heard of it happening, apart from creepy drunk men looking for more beer. I live in a small box sometimes. But now, I'm going to keep my eye out for drunk shoppers.

Andrea (ace1028) said...

This was FAN-friggin-Tastic. Titillating, in fact. I totally felt her connection, her wanting, her emotion and wow, it was such powerful writing. The disclaimer made me laugh for the first time in the piece because the rest of it was so powerful and full of emotion, I couldn't even picture the feathered bodysuit until much later, as I read the last lines, and other people's comments. ;)

Well done.

THE SARCASM GODDESS said...

Wow! Loved this! I was hooked from the beginning. I want to know more! What happens next??