When Paul and I decided we wanted to start a family, we announced to friends and family that we were "trying."
Why did we do that? It's like sending out pre-printed Hallmark cards: "Hey world! We're having SEX!!"
But, nevertheless, we did. My in-laws attempted to change the subject, good-natured friends started talking about "cervical mucus" and basal temperature, and my mother started shopping at Carter's and Gymboree.
Timing was important, because, as a teacher, I wanted to make my maternity leave fit well with the school year. I would hate to have a baby in say, October, and then put our son or daughter in day-care for only a few months as I finished out my teaching obligations.
No, I had a plan. Start trying in August, get pregnant in September, and finish the school year a bit early, before the natives lost their adolescent minds.
They say that when you make a plan, God laughs. It's true.
It took us four months to get pregnant with Owen. Around month one and a half, I started researching fertility clinics and discussing adoption options with Paul. I bargained with God, promising Him that we would find a church home, attend church regularly, and do anything if we could just get pregnant.
Ridiculous. I've since known people who tried an entire year to get pregnant...and then did (naturally)...with twins.
I know a couple who got pregnant as soon as they sent off their non-refundable adoption deposit.
I've also known people who have suffered much hardship and pain due to infertility (and joy as well, when they finally were able to become parents). When I tell them about my FOUR WHOLE MONTHS, they snort and call me a "sneezer." (A sneezer is a person who becomes pregnant by sneezing.)
In 2007 we decide to try again (and, like morons, once again tell the world about our bedroom activities). Around month one and a half of trying, I start researching secondary infertility and journaled about all the opportunities we could give Owen as an only child.
You can see where this is going.
Four months later, we conceived Joel. Four months.
God laughed his holy ass off.
It's good to remember this time whenever the answers aren't coming quickly enough for me. Whenever I want to know the plan, or worry about the unknown, I need to remember that God doesn't toy with me, but he does use circumstances to show me my own tomfoolery.
I read this verse today: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)
I think the self-discipline stood out for me. Whenever it's easy to allow fear of the unknown drive my car, I need to remember that I have the discipline to put my foot on the brake. I can breathe, pray, refocus, and than drive my car in a better direction.
God takes away fear, but I need to have the discipline to let Him.
I know that when the future comes, everything will be exactly where it needs to be. And God, as my kind Heavenly father, will be laughing.