How to change the appearance of your house in five easy steps:
1. Mention to husband how much you hate the color of the walls.
2. Get numerous paper paint samples. Tape said paint samples on the wall and ponder.
3. Eventually re-tape paint samples to wall since months will pass since the previous pondering.
4. Go to hardware store without any of the paint samples and buy a color at random.
5. Paint an ugly, splotchy sample on the wall. Wait for husband to lose his mind because he cannot live with the heinousness. Enjoy your newly painted house.
How to get your friends to hate you:
1. Mention how much your three-year-old loves napping.
2. Drop boxes of baby clothing on their front porches because you're ready to "purge." (And apparently, they are in the mood to horde).
3. Say, "Marriage is pretty easy."
How to rile up my son:
1. Say the words, "Chicken Coop," in a country accent. Instant screams.
2. Sing, dance, or enjoy music of any kind.
3. Wear a hoodie and say "Are you threatening me?" a la Beavis from "Beavis and Butt-head."
4. Tell him that his ears are delicious, and that you plan to eat them for lunch.
How to cop-out of a blog entry because inspiration is failing:
1. Write a list
2. Write several lists
3. Post a cute picture just because you can.