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Friday, August 6, 2010

Like a Black-Eyed Susan

Because there are some amazing writers out there, such as Aging Mommy and The Mother Load contributing to The Red Dress Club's call for poetry, I thought I would give this a whirl.

The poem is meant to be narrative and about a family dynamic. I cheated and used the Pantoum poetic form, because I need structure in my life. Desperately.

Please be kind. I'm very insecure about my poetry.


Like a Black-Eyed Susan, 
Our bright-eyed second born.
Neglected in the garden, 
He defiantly seeks the light.  

Our bright-eyed second born, 
A young, tenacious sprout.
He defiantly seeks the light,
Digging deep, he fights.

A young, tenacious sprout
Amongst older, preening plants
Digging deep, he fights.
He's an eruption of gold life. 

Amongst older, preening plants,
(Now they're neglected in our garden), 
This eruption of gold life!
Is our Black-Eyed Susan.

19 comments:

Coby said...

Yeah, uhm, WOW! Lovely!

MiMi said...

Oh, that's AWESOME!!

Aging Mommy said...

Oh that is so very lovely. Good poetry for me is about capturing the emotion. Your love for your tenacious sprout shines through every word and line so I just love it. I hope you will keep and frame this and hang it on your little boy's wall - at least until he is of an age when he might get a little embarrassed by it. But even then I think eventually one day he will bring it back out again, dust it off and hang it on the wall in his own home one day.

I am also reeling at the mention of my name in a sentence about good writing, so thank you, you made my day.

mama-face said...

no need to ask for kindness-it's beautiful. you're beautiful.

now if i only knew what Pantoum poetic form is-cuz wow, I crave structure.

Erin said...

First I was crying because you mentioned me in a group of "amazing writers," and now because of your phenomenal and touching piece about your sprout.

And if I'm so amazing, why am I completely clueless about the concept of "Pantoum" is? and I was an English major (and also have my master's in English---that's clearly gone out the window!)!!

LB said...

Pretty good, girlfriend! I love that pic of him, too.

Ericka said...

Your love is most definitely felt in this poem I I think the analogy suits the piece week. A very cute little man you've got there! Glad you're joining us!

Jessica Anne said...

What a beautiful tribute to your son! The love really comes through in the poem. Great job!

Traci said...

Wow! What you have to be insecure about, I do NOT know! That was beautiful. I have been enjoying these posts all day. It's a wonderful meme and I am so glad that you tried your hand at it.

Sorry I've been such a stranger.
Trying to get back into a routine after the CRAZIEST Summer ever! Even crazier than John Cusack and his crew.

:-)
Traci

Grimmgirl said...

Oooo, a Pantoum -- I've never been able to quite pull one off! I enjoy how you're working the extended metaphor. I'm gearing up for my first post on Red Dress -- I think I'm gonna go for a sestina.

Sarafree said...

I think you did a great job! I can so relate as I watch our 2nd one be his own person.

MrsNilsenLife said...

oh wow, this really is about a second kid, isn't it? my third is our black-eyed susan, and I found myself nodding the entire way through.

I'm with Aging Mommy, you need to frame this and hang it on his wall. :) And then when he gets embarrassed, put it in the back of his closet, because really? He'll want to keep it forever.

here from TRDC and so glad I came!

Cheeseboy said...

Yep, fits him perfectly from the picture. Great stuff.

Jenny said...

Beautiful poem. Adorable son. Great post!

Joanna Jenkins said...

You did a great job! And I love that you ended with with two sweet pics!
Happy weekend, jj

Ash said...

Oh I so loved this! My second-born son is also the black-eyed susan - what is it with those sweet little boys and their charm?

Great job. And thanks for the laugh with the structure remark. You hit it on the head why I wasn't sad I missed this prompt - free flowing poetry scares the pee out of me.

Beth Zimmerman said...

Beautiful! Though when Joel gets a bit older he may object to being compared to a flower! :)

Beth Zimmerman said...

Beautiful! Though when Joel gets a bit older he may object to being compared to a flower! :)

Cheryl said...

SO glad you're joining us! That poem was lovely and such a terrific capturing of the second child.