Sunday, October 11, 2009

Extremely Bad-Ass

A fairly new friend of mine, Julia, was supposed to go sky-diving this weekend. I learned that she had to cancel, and she went on to say that she would accept no excuses, and I was going with her the next time.

I'm thinking about it. I'm not sure if this will translate into actual action, but I'm considering it because:
1) It would make good material for the blog
2) It's not that crazy. Former president George Bush has done it a whole bunch of times, as has my brother.
3) I'm hitting 35 this March. This is more problematic for me than I care to admit.

I hate to do something as cliche as set up a "Bucket List. " Instead, I will look at the most popular life goals according to this website, and let you know what I've already done. This will prove to you, once and for all, that I am extremely bad-ass.

Many people wish to experience weightlessness before they die. I'm assuming, in space or in a wind tunnel. Me? I've experienced weightlessness at the AZ State Fair on a ride called the "Gravatron." Coincidentally, I've also experienced nausea on the Gravatron. 

A popular goal is breaking a world record. When I was seven, my friend Cara and I attempted to stay on the teeter-totter long enough to earn said world record. We came up with this idea by watching the Brady Bunch all by ourselves. We were on the teeter-totter for almost fifteen minutes before we got bored and hungry, thus closing the door on our world record dreams.

I've ridden both a camel and an elephant. These bored, miserable animals plodded in a circle at the zoo and the AZ Renaissance Festival, respectively. Not only did I ride these magnificent beasts like they were beasts of burden, I stole their respective dignities to boot. Bonus!

I have ridden in a helicopter AND a hot-air balloon. Granted, both times I was with my mom. But trust me, it was extreme! We swigged Mountain Dew the entire time.

Donating blood is a popular life goal. Did it. Got the cookies and the T-shirt.

And....seriously? This is a life goal?

I do it as often as legally possible. It's my quiet time. Yes, I would rather lose precious bodily fluids than break up another fight between Thing One and Thing Two some days...

A popular life goal is to start a website. Let's just call this living the dream.

I've played the all-important role of "chorus" in such productions as Bye, Bye Birdie, Grease, and Kiss Me, Kate. I tell you, the show needed my alto. I provided background harmony like nobody's business.

A high school production without my talents would be like a world without Tia Tequila or Paris Hilton. And frankly, I don't want to live in such a world...

I've had two healthy babies. This is a gift of grace that I never take lightly.

The website suggests that riding in a limo is a great lifetime goal. I've ridden a limo to funerals, weddings, a evening on the town, and my personal favorite, with a group of middle school students to Ledo's Pizza. These were the students that sold the most magazines for the annual school fund-raiser. Wild times.

Learning / Education

I'm starting to question this website. I've done some of the "exciting life goals" listed, including: learning CPR, learning to drive a stick shift engine, learning to play the piano, learning to ski, learning to snowboard, and learning to speak another language. I've also learned to water ski, completed my college degree, and I've taught a college class.

Forgive me as I yawn at these "impressive, wild-n-crazy" accomplishments.

Damn you, list. You think you're so cool just because you have my MAIN LIFE GOAL "write a book and publish it," listed. You sit there all smug, list, knowing that I would write a snarky, smart-ass posting talking about my badassery, only to cut me off at the knees with this!

I very much wish to write a book and have it published some day. I've been humbled, once again, by the Internet. 

OH, it's on now, list. No, I have not been to Egypt, Hawaii, Ireland, Italy, London, or Paris. I have not earned 100,000 travel miles, seen the Great Wall of China, the rain forest, or the Aura Borealis.

But yes, list, I have been to the Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls. And, although it didn't make the cut on the precious list, I have been to the Flintstones' Bedrock Village AND Barstow, California, AND Bullhead City, AZ more times than I can count.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

What have I learned from this exercise? I've done a lot. And yes, there's more that I want to do, and will do. But, rest assured, I'll won't turn to the Internet to determine the worthiness of this life.

That, most assuredly, is not extremely bad-ass.


dek said...

My education goal is to learn to belly dance.

won said...

Glad to see you're living this dream...on the internet blog!

Props to you.