Monday, May 17, 2010

I'm Trying to Get It.

Happy Monday, world!

I have  a post up at Laugh Out Loud about my experiences living just minutes away from a Nuclear Power Plant. 

Nothing says funny like nuclear energy. If we can split the atom, we can split your sides laughing.


I think it's best if I move on.

Over the weekend, Owen had another tee-ball game. Owen views the game as a wonderful opportunity to fill his cap with infield dirt and occasionally watch a ball roll by. He's four, after all.

However, at this particular game, Owen was the catcher. He spent most of the time holding hands with the base coach (in tee ball, there is usually one adult per base) and, of course, kicking the fabulous dirt.

Sadly, the duty of putting the ball back on the tee prevented him from making his customary dirt Taj Mahal.

Additionally, Owen had the job of tagging the last runner out. In tee ball, they don't keep score and the last hitter always runs the bases. This provides ample opportunity for the kids to get the ball, pick their noses, throw the ball in the wrong direction, sit down and cry in the outfield, and eventually roll the ball to home plate.

When Owen had the ball in his hand, he jogged towards the runner, prepared to tag him out. He had the eye of the tiger, the fire in his belly. He was ready to do his job.

He tagged this child with the ball.  Right in the gut. And, he, um....knocked the wind out of the kid and made him cry.

I was concerned about the kid. Owen was oblivious. Owen's coaching staff, however, was quite impressed.

His coach came up to me, his eyes bright, and said, "Owen tagged the SNOT outta that kid!"

Another coach said, "Wow, Owen, way to go! Way to be aggressive."

This, once again, demonstrates that I don't get boys or sports at all.

If I was the coach, I would have cautioned the boys to be more careful and would have made Owen apologize to the other kid (who recovered quickly, by the way). I would have suggested a high five, or perhaps a hug.

I told this to my husband, and he rolled his eyes. "Really, Nance?"

Like I said, I don't get it at all.

I recognize that this is just the tip of the iceberg as a mother of sons. Although I do think farts are hilarious and I've been known to throw worms out the window on the way to preschool, there are things about my sons and husband that I will never, ever, get.

The awesomeness of boobs.
The allure of peeing through PVC pipe in the backyard.
The Deadliest Catch. 
Tee-ball thuggery. 

Ladies: What will you never, ever get about your husbands/partners/sons?

Male Readers: (Both of you.) Help me get it.


Coby said...

I married a "non-tucker": I will NEVER get how he doesn't tuck the bedsheet in at the bottom! Every time you roll over, your toes get uncovered! And THEN he has the gall to accuse me of stealing the sheets. If he tucked them in, they would stay on HIS side of the bed!

Additionally I don't understand:
*The wonder of butt-cheeks (the boys)
*The fascination with poop (boys again)
*Why a salad can't be a meal unto itself (hubby)
*Why I shouldn't feel insecure about driving ACROSS TOWN with the gas light on, when the stupid light came on as soon as we left the house (hubby again)

Nobody's perfect. ;-)

Kori said...

I have three sons and a daughter, and I get very little about ANY of them. Really.

clearness said...

I don't get that the sniffles can sideline a guy for a week and he complains like someone must have removed every single one of his fingernails with tweezers or something.

But then the said guy will ask his charming wife "What is it you do all day" in a sarcastic tone when she is obviously ill, running a high fever, diarrhea and throw up all day long........And mention "You only have a little virus"

Stephanie aka The Stark Raving Bibliophile said...

I don't get how a penis joke can seem funny ... Every. Time. He says it.

Melani said...

Awesome post!

What I don't get about Brandon is:
1. spitting all over the place!
2. his fascination with his sisters butt!
I am sure there are more things about him I don't get, but I can't think of them at the moment.

June said...

Pulling long nose hairs and bringing them to me to show me just how long they are! (Ward. He would be really pissed if he knew I posted this!)

Throwing "clean" clothes on the bathroom floor with the dirty clothes that were just shed to take a shower. (Pinkus)

I just don't get it...

Sorry Nancy, I would have been a bad Mommy and said "Good job" if that had been Pinkus. But he was to busy picking his nose during t-ball or wearing his glove as a hat to be a good aggressive player!

Ms. Moon said...

The list of what I don't get is too long to even start. However, I do get boobs. I love boobs. They ARE awesome.

FabuLeslie said...

In the immortal words of Elaine Benes, "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things!" -from the episode with 'shrinkage' at the beach house

P.S. Nancy, I'm glad you said it first on my blog. Because I'm kinda in love with you too. I don't think it's weird at all. Maybe that's something the boys don't get! :)

noisycolorfullively said...

The desire to pee on things baffles me.

I missed you Nancy! I'm glad you're back!

Tracie said...

I saw Coby's comment - I married a non-tucker, too. Drives me nuts. Peeing on stuff, grabbing themselves, not wanted to cuddle or be i've made myself sad.

*fingers crossed for granddaughters*

Cheeseboy said...

Very cool on the LOL post. I have one coming up, I think. I'll head over there in a second.

Eye of the tiger is right! Sounds like every coach's dream kid! Sign him up for varsity.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I have a girl in softball and they do NOT like getting tagged too roughly. You'd totally understand!
I don't get why my boys think it's funny to tick me off. They love to play ball in the house, break things, and torture their sisters, which in turn infuriates me, which therefore greatly amuses them.
I just don't get it!

blueviolet said...

I'll never understand their need to revel in bodily noises. They make me ill.

Minivan Lover said...

Hands down the front of their pants. I mean what is that? I swear even Pman does this.
I also do not think farting and burpring are funny unless they happen at awkward inappropriate times.

Frau said...

Too funny! High five to Owen! Yeah Men are mystery I will never get my husband. I grew up with sister's and have a daughter so some times it's uncharted water.

Jenny said...

Thank husband number two doesn't find stuff like that funny.

But thank heavens you wrote this post because I did find it wildly funny!

only a movie said...

I don't get that the planet stops revolving on its axis when the man gets a headache.

Cat said...

I love watching people get hit in sports and the deadliest catch, but I don't really get boobs and peeing outside. I also don't get the allure of seeing 2 girls together... after all, I have no desire to watch 2 guys do it.

dek said...

The first season of Deadliest Catch was awesome. After that, it got pretty repetitive. The subject is better suited to a mini-series format. Same goes for Ice Road Truckers.

I was always picked last in gym class, so I'm not able to comment on sports aggression.

With respect to peeing through PVC pipes, do you truly not understand, or are you just jealous? Let's face it - there are very few things a man can do that a modern woman cannot. Peeing on stuff (accurately, anyway), is one of those things, and we menfolk relish it.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

I'm with you on the sporty/violence stuff. Though I totally don't think Owen did anything wrong. Speaking of sports, when sports are on TV, it may as well be white noise as far as I'm concerned. It's SO boooring. And just seems like a bunch of men running around flexing their hormones. But boobs, on the other hand, boobs are AWESOME. I totally get boobs. I'm not sure about peeing down a PVC pipe. Gonna go out back and try it out. I'll let you know what I think.