A friend of mine sent us sixteen true confessions/goals for life. It was one of those silly Facebook exercises (ie: chocolate or vanilla? Batman or Superman?) designed to "find out what your friends really think." My friend, however, choose to be brave and revealed some personal information that was both introspective and painfully honest. In honor of my friend, here are sixteen true confessions/goals for life.
1. Confession: Sometimes, when I'm by myself, I will run through the drive-through of McDonalds, order something greasy and awful, eat it on the way home, and chuck it in a community dumpster, like an alcoholic disposing of her empties.
2. Confession: When I was eight, I ran over a dead pigeon with my bike on purpose, because I wanted to hear what it sounded like. I can still hear the sickening crunch of the bone. I remember thinking that I did a really wrong thing.
3. Confession: Continuing the serial-killer theme, I almost always slow down to see what the vultures are feasting on. I once called Paul at work, just to tell him that I saw a vulture rip the eye out of a deer carcass, right in front of me.
4. Confession: I love, love, love popping a ripe zit. I'm so ashamed...
5. Confession: I really, really geek out when it comes to the two TV shows I like: Lost and The Office. I actually go to online sites and read other people's theories about the characters/symbolism. I haven't gone so far as to post myself, because that would be like trying heroin.
6. Confession: I feel like I'm faking it a lot of the time. I pretend to understand things, pretend to be happy when I'm really feeling grouchy, and pretend to be interested when Owen tells me where the water in the toilet goes--again.
7. Confession: It bothers me that I have less Facebook friends than most people, but I refuse to ask people that I barely talked to in high school to be my friend. It feels so needy.
8. Confession: I love, love, love to read trash like Star Magazine. Especially when they do articles like: "Stars Without Makeup," or "Worst Beach Bodies."
9. Confession: I also will watch almost any swill the VH1 can dream up---"Flavor of Love," "Rock of Love," "Celebrity Rehab," "Tool Academy,"---the list goes on and on....
10. Confession: I have contingency plans worked out in my head in the event that I become a widow. I get teary-eyed just thinking of them.
11. Confession: I am always anxious before I start teaching a new class or when a new school year begins. I feel like I'm still faking it as a teacher, too.
12. Goal: I want to be a professional writer someday.
13. Confession: I sometimes get jealous that most of my friends have nicer, newer houses.
14. Confession: I didn't think it would be this hard to find sixteen things to confess.
15. Confession: I named Joel after Joel McHale of The Soup.
16. Confession: Most of the time, I think that I'm pretty damn awesome.