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Monday, March 8, 2010

Parenting 101

Lazy Parenting in Four Easy Steps: 

1) Sit at kitchen table and watch the baby methodically unload a bag of flour, a mixing bowl, and a plastic bottle of vegetable oil from the lazy susan.

2) Consider stopping the baby, but decide that the coffee is too good and the patch of sunlight too delicious. Rationalize child's behavior as "imaginative play."

3) Zone out for a bit. Return to reality to discover that baby does, in fact, know how to open a plastic bottle. As you watch the oil spill all over the floor, do nothing except yelp in shock. This is the best way to terrify the baby.

4) Stare at the mess. Let the baby play with it as you finish your cup of coffee.

And...scene.

17 comments:

blueviolet said...

Well, the coffee will help to settle the nerves and you're going to need a lot of nerves to wipe up the layers and layers and layers of oil.

clearness said...

You rationalize it as imaginative play, I rationalize it as a good excuse to FINALLY scrub the floors as they haven't been cleaned in a while.....reason, they will only get filthy as soon as I am done.......

Travis said...

Listen, it sounds to me like the kid was trying to make biscuits.

I approve, and I also would like to try these floor biscuits.

noisycolorfullively said...

*standing ovation* Brilliant! *clap, clap, clap*
Bravo! *clap, clap, clap*

Fascinating! Look what I found when I looked up Bravo in the dictionary:
ORIGIN mid 18th cent.: from French, from Italian, literally ‘bold’ (see brave ).
And it WAS very brave of you to embrace the moment, savor your coffee and allow your child to be!

Next preformance: Kitchen floor oil skating
Let's hope that damn Romanian judge has had HER coffee this morning...

Mrsblogalot said...

LOL!!!! Genius...pure genius.

Cat said...

This is why I only give my baby bottles of pure grain alcohol- that stuff evaporates right off the floor!

Bethany said...

brilliant. i've done same thing watching animals up to no good.
love the "imaginative play"
you always make me smile.
glad you enjoyed the coffee and sun, sometimes you just have to sit there.

Coby said...

Coffee is sacred and not to be interrupted. Well done!

Ms. Moon said...

Been there. Have definitely done that.
And we all survived.
You have too, obviously.
And don't we all want to play in oil?

erika said...

It sounds more like Parenting 401 to me. Advanced parents are not fazed by a little oil and a little flour :)

DUTA said...

All well if it wasn't for the tiny fact that oil is slippery and the child could be in danger.

Traci said...

Oh, does that qualify as lazy parenting? It sounded like my life!
:-)
Traci

Nancy C said...

Thankfully, Joel was patting it with his hands. I completely agree that any standing on the oil would be a recipe for disaster (and, possibly, delicious floor biscuits).

When did I become my Mom said...

Oh joy. I'm not the only one who has Alice in Wonderland zone-out moments!

Unknown Mami said...

What are you talking about? That baby doesn't sound lazy at all.

June said...

Coffee & Sunshine - much more important.

Corrie Howe said...

Aw! Now I understand the context of the Twitters yesterday.