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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Freakin' Fabulous

 I recently acquired this bitchy little book from the public library:


It taught me quite a bit. Mainly, that I am not fabulous. Not even a little bit. 

Some selected quotes:

"From the ankles up, you could be dressed like Coco Chanel, but with any of these [unsuitable pictured shoes] on your feet, your style quotient will never be higher than that of the guy who runs the Tilt-A-Whirl...comfort doesn't matter." 
My non-fabulous response:




"Plopping a bunch of disparately designed products on your countertops is like wearing those free T-shirts companies give away when launching new motor oil." 

WHUT? 

"I believe refrigerators are for keeping Sauvignon Blanc chilled to 38 degrees, not for displaying children's art. Put a corkboard up in Johnny's room and pin his works where he can enjoy them." 

So...no homemade, indoor windsock then?

"And toys. How many parents have their fabulousness quotient disastrously diminished due to their entire dwelling being under Barbie siege?" 

 Oh, dear. We certainly aren't very fabulous. 

I don't even want to know what he thinks of our paper blinds:


Before I drink away my sorrows with a decidedly non-fabulous Subtle Melon Electrolyte Drink, let me point out this one detail:

Because I checked this book out of the library, Clinton Kelly didn't get a single red cent from me, 

That, my friends, is fabulous indeed.

23 comments:

Salt said...

*adds to 'do not read' list*

Pffft. What the hell does he know? You are obviously fabulous. And your toenails look much more put together than mine do at the moment.


Who WOULDN'T want a homemade windsock?

My Life in Purple said...

hmmmm...apparently Clinton & I differ on our definition of Freakin' Fabulous. I think whatever makes you YOU is fabulous...Not what makes you a pretentious snob.

adrienzgirl said...

Well, if I were child free, wealthy beyond belief and lived in NYC, maybe I would give two shits about being fabulous. Given that I am a humble mom of FIVE FREAKING kids, I'll leave the fabulousness to those who can afford it.

Beth Zimmerman said...

What a jerk! See if I ever watch HIS show again! I liked the long haired dude that was on there the first season better anyway! Any Clinton obviously knows nothing about a TRULY fabulous life! (And he wouldn't like my Crocs either!)

clearness said...

Some might think of him as fabulous but I think he's a bit pretentious.

noisycolorfullively said...

I don't know about Clinton, but girl, you are fabulous. Period.

Ms. Moon said...

I watched about fifteen minutes of that show What Not To Wear one time. It undermined almost every bit of self-esteem I may have had, which was not a lot. I am now even more afraid to leave the house than I was before.
Who ARE these experts and why should we give a rat's a** what they say?

Melani said...

Glad you didn't spend anything on that crap book...

Bekah said...

We shall revel in our unfabulousness together- if you replace the paper blinds with bent metal mini-blinds, these could have been pictures of my house!

SamiJoe said...

ahahahahhahaha!!!

you are fabulous!

Debbie said...

Well darn. Now I guess I can't invite him over after all!

LB said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LB said...

Watch it, panty-wearing boy! I resemble all of that (except for the tree hugger sandals...sorry, not for LB).

I guess fabulous isn't all that, um, fabulous! Sounds a bit boring and pretentious if you ask me.

Cheeseboy said...

I'd buy his book and read it in public, but wouldn't that be like wearing those free T-shirts companies give away when launching new motor oil."

Daffy said...

I really do think the best part is that you checked the book out of the public library....he's lucky you didn't also use it for toilet paper.

Long live flipflops and scattered books! I'd take those over ice and bling any day

Simple Moves said...

I think he is a sad little man.

Holly said...

I always liked him on what not to wear...but boy has my opinion changed. What an idiot...does he not realize who is (or was) actually going to buy his crappy book...yep the same people who he is insulting. What a total dufus. I may check it out from the library but he isn't getting my $$$ either.

Holly
504 Main

FabuLeslie said...

Hahahah! So there! I am equally as unfabulous as you I guess. Flip flops are my fave! In fact, on this road trip that is about 3 weeks long, I have only 2 pairs of flip flops with me. No other shoes. Of course, my nikes were stolen out of my car while I was visiting my sister, but they were just as unfabulous as flip flops.

Hooray for libraries! (they also got 2 austin library books from my car, which I'm sure I will pay dearly for...)

Busted Kate said...

Oh god, I'm clearly the complete and total opposite of fabulous.

In other news, we were seperated at birth. Hello sister!

TerresaE said...

I just love the "comfort doesn't matter" statement. I've seen his show numerous times but never have I seen him in a pair of pointy toed 3 inch heels! Or equally high peep toes. I mean, just where is the front of your foot gonna go in those except very painfully squished into that "peep" hole? What a moron.

When did I become my Mom said...

Ahahahaha! Love the end. :-)

My shoes are similarly unfabulous and my house is clearly farther along in the war than yours is. And I'm losing...

June said...

I am terribly unfashionable. You should see what I wear with my aprons! And I like for comfort shoes.

My fridge was always covered in kids art and magnets. Not so much anymore now that I have a new fridge.

I say, drink what you want and be comfortable!

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

I don't care how much fridge art, pairs of flip flops, and toys you have strewn across the floor. You will always be glam and fabulous to me!