Tuesday, June 15, 2010

How to Run Like A Girl

My husband is a runner, meaning that he:

1) Runs a minimum of six to ten miles a day. On weekends, it's usually somewhere in the teens. He runs in any weather. My neighbor once said, as kindly as one can say this, "I saw your damn fool husband running uphill in the hail!"

 2) Dresses like this. And yes, like this individual, Paul has been known to rub Vaseline on his legs and nipples to prevent chapping and/or bleeding nipples. (I think he should have bleeding nipples once in his life. Fair's fair. Just sayin'.)

3) He blows snot rockets while he runs.

I am also a runner, but I'm a lot more low-key. If you're new to running, or want to try it, I suggest the following:

1) Join a gym that has a decent daycare. A hour break from your children should be ample motivation to hit the gym.

2) Play mind games on the treadmill. Run at a certain speed for a certain time or distance. Move up and down. It breaks up the time and is good cross-training.

3) Or--better yet--do ipod playlists and run at certain speeds for certain songs.

The stupider the better.

My present playlist has "Bad Romance," by Lady Gaga, "Ray of Light," by Madonna, and "I'm Gonna Knock You Out," by LL Cool Jay. I've also got, "Stronger" by Britney Spears and "Don't Stop Believing" (Glee version), because they are inspiring.

(I want the world to know that I listen to hipster cool stuff when I'm not running.) 

Finally, don't drink coffee before your run. That is, unless you like turtle races. 

What are your fitness tips? How do you get motivated? And what the hell is Zumba, anyway?


Aunt of 14 said...

snot rockets are so disgusting, the thought just makes me want to gag!

Tracie said...

I think Zumba is becoming a cult and I'm happily drinking the Kool Aid.

I have no fitness tips. If you saw me IRL, you'd understand.

Jenny said...

I just do it. No second thoughts. No excuses. Not sure why that's working for me this time, but it really is!

Kori said...

Uh. Fitness tips, I have none. I don't know what Zumba is, and I am just getting to where I can WALK 4 mmiles without falling over dead. I can't imagine running, though maybe sometime I will get there.

And how in the hell do his nipples get chapped and bleed?

Anonymous said...

As you know my husband is a "running fool" as well. I just laugh and think, "Thank God it's not me!" I would hate to have that obsession. However, he probably thinks that about everything else I do. :)

Fitness tips: Do what you want, when you want. Don't force yourself or you will hate it. Take a walk, run, go to a class, do yoga, play tag with your kids, swim some laps...just do something everyday to stay young and sane.

p.s. Zumba is an excuse for rhythmless old ladies or white girls to bring out their Shakyra diva. It's fun should try white girl to the next. :)

clearness said...

I just can't get into the running thing. It's funny because several years ago I got a free subscription of Runners World in the mail and my husband was like "You couldn't run from here to the stop sign if someone offered you $10 million dollars to do it". Which is true, I can't run....and I run worse than Pheobe. Much worse.......

BUT....>I have a very high level of respect for anyone who runs, especially for those who run outside in all weather conditions!

Unknown Mami said...

I'm gonna know you out! Momma say, knock you out!

Do you throw punches when you run to that one? You really should.

Salt said...

Oh Zumba. I try to do it whenever I can, but the times are really inconvenient at my gym. Basically it's a latin dance fusion class where I go to make a complete ass of myself because I lack pretty much any rhythm at all.

I am a terrible runner. I wish I could do it, but when I run long distances I end up not being able to breathe. Really I'm only good for a 5K or so.

And I'd like to proudly state that I've never blown a snotrocket.

Ms. Moon said...

I have to do the vaseline thing on my armpits when I WALK! I walk fast. And I don't know what the hell Zumba is but it seems to be on about fifteen channels all the damn time.

Cheeseboy said...

As a runner (I run about 4 miles a day, 7 on weekends) this sentence made me laugh to the extreme laughing ability:

"I saw your damn fool husband running uphill in the hail!"

Coby said...

Do you picture LL Cool J in your head while you run? That would motivate me!

Dude, your neighbor's comment is hilarious!

Fitness tips? Mixing it up and having options for working out keeps me motivated. I go back and forth between walking, running, and a variety of videos. Seeing results keeps me motivated too! My goal now is to not hear my rear end smacking itself when I do plyometrics! TMI!!!

Maggie May said...

i love LL!

Anonymous said...

LOL i want to run. But sadly I suck at it. Really. Its pathetic.

I cant wait to try Zumba though!

Anonymous said...

I'm not a runner, but I intend to start the couch to 5k training program when I get back home in July. We'll see how it goes. I plan to do my first 5k in September, but I already know I can walk that far, so any running time I do will be a bonus. At least, that's how I'm looking at it. People do love that zumba. No idea.

Oh. And among other music like anything by the Black Eyed Peas, I love Madonna's Die Another Day for workout motivation. Helps me tell the heart attacks and strokes to back the eff off.

blueviolet said...

Runners actually spew their nose contents like that? Nooooooooooooo.

Minivan Lover said...

Thanks to my new found love for running (well jogging at a quick pace on a treadmill) I have had ample time to learn all the words to "Jump Around" by House of Pain. I believe this song came out about 20 years ago- I'm only slightly behind the curve, yes?

Oddly, self doubt keeps me going. I like proving myself wrong and pissing off my inner pessimist.


Frau said...

Haha too funny! Your hubs is an animal..mine used to run now he bikes...I only run if I'm being chased!

Caution Flag said...

Heavens to Betsy! You're a runner, too?? Is there no other lazy person left on this planet except me?

Joanna Jenkins said...

Your hubby is a SERIOUS runner and it sounds like you are too. Thanks for the playlist, I'll add it to mine.

My workout rule is simple. I do not leave the house 4 times a week until I do 2 miles on the treadmill. It gets me up and going so I can do the stuff I really want to do. And it actually works 90% of the time.

What is Zumba? I have no clue.

Erin said...

Zumba is like a dance class. You can google it and a bunch of videos will come up and you can literally watch people doing classes. lol. very aerobic.

as for running, i'm not a runner. i'm SO not a runner that i didn't know about the vaseline thing or that guys had to worry about their nipples bleeding?!!?

June said...

I know a blogger that tried using spray Pam to prevent her thighs from chaffing while running! I keep telling her she should write a post on all the silly things she has tried to avoid "chub rub" as my daughter calls it.

I am not a runner but I do a lot of walking. I'm trying to incorporate jogging but I tell ya', it's just not a natural movement for my body. It feels wrong. And I am old or at least it makes me feel old. You should have seen me the first time I jogged -LOL! I hadn't jogged/run for at least 10 years. I mean, if you don't exercise, why they hell would you ever run?

Bethany said...

your playlist is perfect.
Keep running N!

sd said...

You know the part on Dirty Dancing where the blonde girl is trying to teach those old white ladies the cha-cha, merengue, etc? That's what I sometimes feel like during Zumba. Or as one of my FB posts said, "Gumby on Crack". It's so much fun, though, and there are even some points where you say to yourself, "Hey, I look pretty good doing this move"... until they change the step. My ZUMBA instructor used to be one of those crazy runners. She switched to ZUMBA and has seen more results in less than a year than from her years of running.

I suggest finding a few things that you actually enjoy doing and mix it up. I alternate ZUMBA, pilates, and dancing around sweaty hippies at the local dive bar.

Marla said...

Nancy, you seriously kill me. Too funny!

I must say, the first time I saw bleeding nipples, I was totally freaked out.