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Thursday, June 10, 2010

It Happens Every Day

Well. There's no nice way to say this. A friend of mine, a member of the mother's group I'm a part of, lost her husband last night.

She's a mother of four beautiful children. Her husband was 42 years old.

It is simply devastating.

***

I am sad because I am human, and I am sad because it could happen to me. It could happen to anybody.

It does. Every day.

Last night, I asked Paul, the finance guy in our house, to go over every account, every password. Attempting to control the uncontrollable, I pretended that my primary concern was dollars and cents, not the warmth on my cheek as he kisses me goodbye each morning.

I asked him where he would want me to spread his ashes, and I kept it together until he said that some of the ashes should go in the trickle of a creek at his Mom and Dad's house.

I pictured him as a little boy, playing in that trickle, splashing and hopeful, with the whole world ahead of him.

And just like that, the hypothetical conversation became all too real. I felt like I had lost him, although he was right next to me, breathing the same air.  Present. Alive. Whole.

I love him. He loves me. That is real. That is alive.

My friend loves her husband, and he left this world knowing she loved him. That is real. It is alive in the stories she shares, and in her children's faces, gaits, gestures, and expressions.

But it is no longer whole.

Paul and I are celebrating our eleventh anniversary on Saturday. Although I don't know how many anniversaries we have left, we have this one. For that, I give thanks.

And to my friend, I send my utmost sympathy and love.
“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our
lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are
happy.” ---Eskimo Proverb

26 comments:

My Life in Purple said...

Oh Nancy, it just makes my heart ache to think of her pain right now...

I can only hope that you and him (and your boys) get to have as many wonderful years together as possible. And at the end, may you love every minute that you got to spend together.

Salt said...

Thoughts and prayers for your friend. Life is so fragile and I think we all lose sight of that sometimes. It could happen to anyone. It happened to my dad in 2004 when his wife passed away at 47. That taught me to hug my loved ones tight whenever I can.

michelle said...

Every minute counts

big sigh

xoxoxo

Kori said...

I dont know what to say other than my heart goes out to her, and that there are no real guarantees.

Eternal Lizdom said...

Loss and grief are so, so difficult. Life is all about change and transition but loss is one of the hardest to comprehend and respond to.

Joy said...

That's awful. Thanks for making me stop to think about how temporary this life is.

Beth said...

I wrote a post the other day about loss and how it made me count each moment we have life as precious. So sorry for the pain that you, and especially your friend, are experiencing.

Hugs!

Shell said...

I'm in tears.

We never know how long we have with our loved ones.

Sending lots of prayers for your friend and her family.

blueviolet said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news and I hope that your friend is surrounded by loved ones and comforters as she goes through this. We really never do know.

*LLUVIA* said...

What a heartbreaking situation. I am sorry to read about this. I'm glad that your friend has you to comfort her and hope that her other loved ones are there as well.

I can't imagine losing the love of my life.

noisycolorfullively said...

Hey Nancy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for you, the other mothers in your group, your friend and her children.

Grieving is real. It's human. It's neccessary.

Unknown Mami said...

This made me feel like I got sucked in the gut. I had a stupid petty argument with my husband last night. This morning I woke up knowing that he was right and I had been wrong, but I was still upset. I got up and said, "You were right, I'm sorry." Anyway, all this to say, that I already feel like an idiot and then I read this and wonder what the heck is wrong with me that I can't see how lucky I am today.

Daffy said...

The stars surely do twikle, wink and shine with the love of those that have gone before us.

My heart goes out to your friend and her children....such news touches so close to home.....

Sonya said...

Thoughts and prayers are with your friend. I don't even know what I would do if I lost my husband. We all know that at some point, one of us is going to leave this world before the other one..but Im hoping it wont be until we're super old and that we can go together.

Stephanie aka The Stark Raving Bibliophile said...

What a beautiful proverb. I am so sorry for your friend's loss. I will be thinking about her and her kids.

http://laughingstars.net

Caution Flag said...

It does happen every day, but it still is just absolutely wrong. Have a sweet and wonderful anniversary.

Minivan Lover said...

So sad. So very sad.

Angie Muresan said...

I am so, so sorry.

Happy 11th Anniversary tomorrow, Nancy.

Tracie said...

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.

I hope you are having a lovely anniversary today.

Jen said...

Heartbreaking. And I could feel my heart stop too, imagining that conversation with Tom. Sigh...

My blessings to your friend.

Happy Anniversary to you. :)

Jen at Laughing at Chaos

Ms. Moon said...

You are wise.

When did I become my Mom said...

That's a beautiful proverb. I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Treasure every day girl.

Aunt Becky said...

We just never know how much time we have. What a glorious reminder.

Sending love and light.

Coby said...

My heart breaks for your friend. I know the thought of losing Shayne terrifies me. I like to stick my head in the sand and pretend we'll both be here forever, but then I hear about something like what happened to your friend, and my mortality is all too real.

I'm so sorry.

Bethany said...

oh gosh, so so sad.
blessings to her and her family.

Cat said...

Beautiful post. I'm so sorry for your friend.