Friday, September 3, 2010

Red Writing Hood: Slumber Party

This week's Red Writing Hood Challenge is to write from the perspective of a broken inanimate object.

I welcome your thoughts and comments. FYI, this post has adult content. You've been warned.

Slumber Party 
As soon as I saw her, I knew I needed to take her home. I think it was her eyes--a cloudy, tide-pool green. I wanted to probe deeply, and discover her secrets.

This is what I do. 

I've been working the Slumber Party circuit for awhile. You know the scene, right? It's an oh-so-daring alternative to a Tupperware party. The yentas drink their Green Appletinis, tee-hee their way through party games, and buy toys like yours truly.

Yes, technically, I am a toy. But I'm definitely not for the kiddos.

With six levels of power, twirling shaft beads, and a remote control, I am the Long Distance Dolphin. Perhaps you've heard of me.

I saw her approach the table. Her face was flushed from her second drink. She wore black yoga pants, and her work badge hung limply on a lanyard around her neck. She needed to reapply her lipstick.

She picked up a Pocket Rocket, smiled to herself, and placed it back down. She scanned the edible underwear and the hot-and-cold massage oil. She picked up a best-seller, the butt plug with the magnetic attachment. Supposedly, it works quite well during the spin cycle. "Oh my GOD!" she shrieked, nudging her friend. "Holy Shit!"

She picked me up, "Look, Suzanne!" she said, reading from my package,  "108 patterns of erotic enjoyment...all at my fingertips! And...wait, " she laughed out loud, a spontaneous spasm of mirth, "It has a REMOTE CONTROL!" Her laughter heightened, wave after wave, until she bent forward, unable to speak. Unable to do anything but enjoy the sensation.  She wiped her tears, her shaking slowly giving way to slow, steady breaths.

I wanted to light up a cigarette. If I only had arms.

"Buy it!" her friend said, "You need this! Just think of the, Girl Scout Meetings," the two shrieked together, doubled over once again.

I love it when they do it twice.

My green-eyed friend tipped back her drink, swallowed hard, and placed me in her bag. "Tonight, I'm riding the dolphin."

My pleasure, I thought.

The house was dark as she walked inside. She strutted into the kitchen, flipped her hair, and cooed, "Hey Derek."

He didn't look up from the glow of the computer, "Hold on, honey, I'm almost done with this post."

She sat down at the kitchen table. "What are you writing about?"

He sighed, "I'm trying to write a review of Guitar Hero: Primus Edition, if you must know."  He looked her up and down, "How was your candle party?"

"Well," she said, licking her lips, "It actually wasn't a---"

He shut the laptop with a thump, "Whatever, honey. Just don't spend too much money on crap we don't need." He scratched his ear, then sat up. "Oh, Barbara, I got something for you!"

"What that?" she asked. She walked behind him, rubbed his shoulders.

He brushed her off, and handed her a magazine. "You know how you've said you wanted to lose some weight? I brought you some inspiration." He handed her the Victoria's Secret catalog. She said nothing.

He grinned, "You can thank me later." He grunted, stood up, and headed to the bathroom. "Gotta make some turtle soup." He turned around, "On second thought, could you hand me that catalog?"

"Charming," she muttered to herself, as his footsteps echoed down the hallway. She slumped into a chair. "God, I'm so stupid. So, so, stupid."

She sat for a moment, her face a flat, watery stone. Then, she walked to her bedroom and placed me in her nightstand drawer.

I rest here today. Unused. My batteries drain.  Her light slowly dims to nothing.


Cheryl said...

If anyone could've used that Dolphin, it'd be her! That guy's an ass! And I was worried we were going to be treated to a description of the Dolphin in action.. ;)

Aging Mommy said...

When I first starting reading this I wasn't sure where we were heading this week as you spin your amazing tales but I absolutely loved this. You just have to write that book of short stories, oh please do. Every week I look forward to seeing what you will do with the theme and can't wait to read what you write and you never disappoint. Where her toy says he wants to light up a cigarette, if only he had arms? Utterly brilliant.

MiMi said...

That's a really good one!
I can't believe you could make a vibrator sound so good! LOL!
Really nice story.

Shell said...

Love the object you picked! Um, I mean the idea of it, not that I actually have one to love. LOL

Florida Girl Meets the Midwest said...

How fantastic. I laughed out loud when I figured out where this was going and rethought the line about "probing deeply." Well done.

Kristy said...

That was fun! And creative! Love the details!

only a movie said...

Ack!! I want to punch that guy in the neck!
Well done.

Ratz said...

That man is an a*******. But, this story is good... I enjoyed it...

Daffy said...


Great read! said...

OMG! My husband would LOVE this piece...and he'd want me to go get a Dolphin :)

Loved it, can't wait to see what you write next week!

Erin said...

hmmmm, maybe I need a Dolphin instead of a Bullet???

you kick ass, Nancy!

Jenny said...

Wow. That seems like a short word for such an amazingly well written story.


rebecca said...

No wonder she needs a dolphin....sad....but good tale.

Ericka said...

such an incredible piece. you've set the scene so vividly and i'm getting red in the face from wanting to punch that guy in the nads.

really if our vibrators could talk...

An Imperfect Momma said...

Wow! Great story. Incredible

angela said...

I so badly want her to get rid of the ass and make use of the dolphin!

adrienzgirl said...

This was a fun post Nancy. You do such a different take on these! Love it!