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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Sundays in My City: Enjoy the Three-Eyed Fish

Yesterday, as I reached into my mailbox, I found my annual ray of sunshine, my annual gift of joy.

A package? A festive garland? A Christmas card? EVEN BETTER.

I recieved my yearly gift from our local nuclear power plant, Calvert Cliffs.

Wanna go sailing? Right by a nuclear reactor? I know just the place!

Oh...you didn't know I lived just minutes from an operational nuclear power plant? I do. It's like a real-life Springfield! Or Silkwood.

Allow me to quote directly from the form letter:

"Staying informed and prepared is an essential element of an effective emergency response plan. This year, we have teamed again with county officials to provide important emergency planning information to you in the form of a calendar."

That's right. Every year, we get our VERY OWN calendar. Not only does it show scenic shots of Chesapeake Bay landscapes and wildlife, it also lets us know when they will have their monthly siren test. This is designed to keep the anarchy at bay. (Get it--Bay? Heh. Heh.)

The back of the calender includes helpful tidbits like this:

What should I do if I hear the siren? 
Stay calm.

(Does "staying calm" include weeping, looting, and brandishing of firearms? Just checking.)

Why would I be told to take shelter indoors? 
Staying indoors can protect you from the sun's radiation and can also protect you from man-made radiation that could be involved in a nuclear power plant emergency. 

 (I must say, I am delighted that the fine folks of Constellation Energy are so concerned about my skin cancer risks. That, people, is why one should stay indoors. How kind of them to add, incidentally, the slight risks of man-made radiation.)

They also explain, in the event of a nuclear emergency, "If you must go outside, cover your nose and mouth with a cloth to filter the air. When back inside, take a shower or at the very least wash your face and hands. Also, wash your clothes." 

 (Hey! Dirty birdies! This means you. At the very least, wash your hands and face after playing in the radioactive waste.)

I could go on and on, but I would like to sleep tonight. I mean, I haven't even shared the advice about how to protect one's crops and livestock in the event of nuclear winter....which would certainly be my first priority.

I live in a beautiful place, as long as I pretend the nuclear power plant does not exist. Generally, ignorance is bliss. I don't actually see the cooling towers, and on most days, I choose to close my ears and la-la-la it all away.

But, yet, I can count on my yearly calendar, with its warm wishes for a joyous, meltdown-free 2010.

(Local seafood).

***
I'm sure this is so not what Unknown Mami had in mind when hosting Sundays in My City. Nevertheless, please enjoy some other, less terrifying posts about our glorious world.



Unknown Mami

24 comments:

Traci said...

Oh dear. Hapy Holidays to you from your friendly neighborhood nuclear plant.

Well, it may not be what UM intended but it is priceless.
:-)

The Rambler said...

So the Simpsons IS based on a true story?

:)

Frau said...

Nice to get something safe from them like a calender. I think I would be the same way denile!

Sonya said...

OMGosh that is just crazy..LOL Your posts make me laugh so much. Have a safe week..lol

Bekah said...

And I thought a calendar from my insurance agent reminding me to wear my seatbelt, don't drink and drive, and watch out for crazy teenagers on the road was bad enough!

Matty said...

I share your sentiments. We have the Limerick Nuclear Power Plant here in Montgomery County, Pa. Our home is just outside the 10 mile danger zone radius they recommend for evacuations in case of an emergency. But I drive past the facility a lot. Those towers loom for everyone to see, with the plume of fog billowing out the tops.

Aunt Becky said...

Three headed fish = more brains! AWESOME!

blueviolet said...

OMG, I live right by a nuclear plant myself and they send out these ridiculous calendars as well!!!

It's a beautiful place around here, but I don't want to stare at my nuclear facility on a calendar!

SamiJoe said...

It is amazing what is both said and unsaid, in the giving of a calendar.

Happy Holidays sweetie, lovin' your blog!

adrienzgirl said...

Oh dear....

Corrie Howe said...

You were very snarky today. My favorite part of the emergency plan is that while, I'm sent North to evacuate the county. My children are sent South (if they are in school at the time) and I have to pick them up at different schools. I should keep a plan in my car, because I can't remember which school I pick up which kid.

Life with Kaishon said...

Get out of here. That is so scary. There is a nuclear power plant not to far from us also. I always feel nervous when I drive thru that town!

When did I become my Mom said...

This may be the funniest SIMC post ever! Loved this stop. :-)

Helen McGinn said...

LOL!!! Love the three-eyed fish reference! Thanks for sharing. xx

Nicki said...

LOL... Thats a story that could have come right out of the Simpsons!!!

kys said...

Yikes! And I thought our chemical plants were bad.

noisycolorfullively said...

I am so scared for you. I get a little twitchy about standing too near electrical power lines, I would absolutely melt-down if I lived near a power plant (pun intended). I pray your 2010 is joyful and safe and explosive free!

dek said...

This is mostly my calendar envy talking, but it's much better to live near a nuclear power plant than a coal power plant or other heavy industry. Remember that nukes produce no emissions other than steam (which is isolated from the reactor cooling water by double heat exchangers), while coal exhaust contains mercury and other nasties that settle out of the air to accumulate in the soil - if the particulates don't give you respiratory distress first. Going by body count, the coal-fired London Smog of 1952 killed 12,000 people, while Chernobyl killed only 56 and Three Mile Island zero. A person gets more radiation exposure from a single chest x-ray than a lifetime living near a nuclear power plant.

Rant over. If you've read this far, thanks for indulging me.

Muliebrity said...

“And Lord, we are especially thankful for nuclear power, the cleanest, safest energy source there is. Except for solar, which is just a pipe dream.”

Muliebrity said...

Oh, and check out http://yardsalequeen.blogspot.com/
She lives in CC and is not only the foremost expert in all things yardsale and thrift, but she worked at the plant and her husband still works there. She luvs her some nuclear power (and I used to see her at Smile and Food Lion!).

Joanna Jenkins said...

I used to live near a Power Plant in NY- Not fun. Sorry.

Hang in there.
xo

Megan said...

So hilariously scary, and I think I can say that with full authority since we're also on the Chesapeake just without the fancy calendar of warnings! LOL!

Unknown Mami said...

Nancy, you are so lucky! I have to order Chinese food if I want a free calendar.

Life with Kaishon said...

Oh my word. That would scare me a little. If I thought about it too much. I can tell you live in a gorgeous place! All of the pictures are so beautiful!