Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Cleaning House

A few weeks ago, I went to a class about do-it-yourself cleaning supplies. This, apparently, is what stay-at-home mothers do when we aren't wiping asses, eating bon-bons, or drinking our way through play dates.

This has been something I've been interested in for awhile. I like a clean house. I find it satisfying to remove streaks and clean sinks. I believe that I can have gleaming countertops and win my Nobel Peace Prize, thank you very much.

This being said, I find it a bit alarming that so many of my cleaning products, could, you know, poison my children. I remember Paul wrestling a bottle of Windex out of my pregnant hands. "God, the baby shouldn't be inhaling this stuff!" he cried.

I grumpily walked away from my filthy windowpanes all the while thinking to myself, "If it's bad for Fetus Joel, how come it's okay for us?"

What really creeps me out, though, is the oven cleaner. The directions recommend treating the vile substance like toxic waste. Don't let it touch your hands, don't breathe the stuff in...but, by all means, use it to clean your cooking appliances. You know, the ones used to cook food. That you then consume.


So, I went to this natural cleaning class, and realized that it's possible to clean your house without spending a boatload of money or using a magical combination of bong water, butt sweat, and the essence of the Great Spirit.

It was so counter-revolutionary and mundane---use the stuff that Grandma used to use. Baking powder. Borax. Soap. Vinegar. Ketchup. The only thing I didn't already have was a ten dollar bottle of Tea Tree Oil.


I still have some 409 under the counter (for emergencies), but I find that these natural cleaning supplies do the job, save money, and smell good--especially if you like North Carolina BBQ.

And, as a bonus, I don't worry about my children growing tails or forked tongues. That's a win-win.

Now, I cannot believe that I wrote about organic food yesterday and natural cleaning supplies today. Stay with me, readers. I promise to be less preachy tomorrow. Perhaps a good-ol' fashioned story about constipation will be in your future.

In the meantime, I thank you for your indulgence.

PS---If you're interested in any of these recipes, drop me a line.


Debbie said...

I need to do more of that! And yes, I'd love some recipes.

Coby said...

I cleaned the bathtub with vinegar yesterday. I LOVE natural cleaning supplies. I don't always use them, but I really make an effort to.

Do you have one for fruit cleaner - you know, to get the freakin' WAX off of apples?

dek said...

1. "Fetus Joel" would be a great name for a band.

2. Do cleaning agents that smell like Carolina barbecue make you hungry?

blueviolet said...

You have no idea how much I love your blog! You are the most hilarious person! I learn too, don't get me wrong. But damn, you're funny!

Rebecca said...

I've been using that full circle stuff and that other 'green' stuff. It's about the same price as other cleaners and does the job well. But, who am I kidding, I don't clean, the cleaning fairy takes care of everything around here....when the house is cleaned by magic, there is nothing left behind but the shine.

Daffy said...

I never thought of using bong water and butt sweat! Geez! I could be saving so much money!!!!

Yes! sign me up for an email with some great cleaning product concoctions! Do you have something to unclog drains? And I REALLY REALLY need an oven cleaner...or a new oven...

Kiera said...

i have a book that tells all of this stuff! i forget what its called though.

SamiJoe said...

Tis fun and amazing what natural can do!
Ps-i have an emerg. scrubbing bubbles..probably the worst! But the rest i am good on....
I'll have to visit the organic post.

AudreyO said...

I use a combination of both organic/natural and also the 409. There is nothing more pleasing than a super clean house :)

Ms. Moon said...

Dr. Oz had a thing on this exact subject today. Most interesting.

Unknown Mami said...

We don't have any toxic cleaning products in our home (she writes smugly). I just can't tolerate the smell or contact with my skin. Vinegar can clean just about anything.

I'd love to know how to use ketchup.

adrienzgirl said... bleach toxic? It happens to be my personal favorite.

Sonya said...

I always boil vinegar and water after cooking..smells like the easter bunny really let one off but 10 minutes later all the onion smells are gone.

I havnet done much else..the oven cleaner scares burns your eyes and nose!

My Life in Purple said...

I left you some blog love, girl! Come one over and pick it up :)


Corrie Howe said...

I am interested in what you use ketchup to clean. I know about the others.

Cat said...

I am definitely interested in some recipes! I make homemade laundry detergent but that's about it.

michelle said...

magical bong water cleaning solution CRACKED ME UP

I threw together a mixture of white vinegar and baking soda last week to try and clean grout and it exploded all over my kitchen

the boys thought that was REALLY COOL

did you stop shaving your armpits yet? :)

Bethany said...

good for you.
i fill my swiffer wet jet bottle up with vinegar and water and it works fantastically.
you are the perfect mix, great info and funny as all get out.
don't stop.
not sure if i'm looking forward to the constipation post.
danielle (from ms moon's) had a photo of um, well it was just gross in my reader this morning as I was trying to drink my coffee.
but i'm sure you'll do it tastefully, like bong water and butt sweat.
do you really CLEAN things with ketchup?

Melani said...

Yes, I am totally interested in what you learned, shoot me an e-mail if you will.
I have been using a vinegar cleaner for a few months now, for everything from the kitchen floors to the bathroom and the mirrors and the windows. I also use a vinegar and water solution for my hard wood floors, that is what the guy told us after we had them sanded and resealed, like 10 yrs ago!

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

"I realized that it's possible to clean your house without spending a boatload of money or using a magical combination of bong water, butt sweat, and the essence of the Great Spirit." Quote of the century!! You are hilarious and not preachy at all and what you are saying is also true and important. Great post!!!!! You rock. PS I want the natural cleaning recipes, esp. if they don't contain butt sweat. I don't do butt sweat. Not even for natural clean.

noisycolorfullively said...

Hippy. Hilarious, hippy.

You're supposed to clean your oven? hmmmm, I'm not sure what's safer, the cleaning solutions or my house as is.